Big Sister in Training

Matthew and Leann have been very excited about their new brother that could join our family at any time. Leann especially is so excited about being a part of taking care of her new little brother. So, we decided to take her to the sibling class that the hospital offers. She learned so much at the class and was so excited to come home and teach her awesome big brother everything she learned!



Leann is so excited about her sign that she made to hang on the door when her little brother arrives!




Learning to feed our new baby.




Leann burping her baby.




Leann learning how to change a diaper!




The Big Sister in Training learned how to properly hold her new little brother.




Leann is now a Certified Big Sister!

The Special Child

The closer to the due date we get the more nervous I am getting. The questions of will he or wont he keep coming into my mind. Will he have Downs Syndrome? Whether he has it or not will not change how much we will love him with our whole hearts. I think it is just the not knowing, and the fact that in just weeks we will have all the answers to the questions that have been running through our minds. A sweet friend of mine keeps telling me that God only blesses special people with a special needs child, and sent this poem to my email and I wanted to share it.

The Special Child
The Child, yet unborn, spoke with the Father,
"Lord, how will I survive in the world?
I will not be like other children, My
walk may be slower, my speech hard
to understand, I may look different.
What is to become of me?"

The Lord replied to the child,
"My precious one, have no fear, I will
give you exceptional parents, They
will love you because you are special,
not in spite of it. Though your path
through life will be difficult, your
reward will be greater, You have been
blessed with a special ability to love,
and those whose lives you touch will
be blessed because you are special."


Author/Source Unknown

#30

The number 30 has never been a big deal to me. It is after all just a number. I do have to say that on December 18 the number 30 became very significant. The number 30now represents how far along in this pregnancy we are. 30 WEEKS! We have made it to 30 weeks. I have waited a long time to get to the final 10 week countdown, but it has arrived! For most of this pregnancy we have just kept to ourselves for the most part. I didn't want to jinx anything. I have been afraid to let myself relax, and enjoy this pregnancy because I have been waiting for something to go wrong. Now that we are at 30 weeks I am finding myself being able to breathe a little, but at the same time a whole new wave of anxiety is building. Will our little boy be okay? Will his heart truly be okay? Will he have Downs Syndrome? I have been trying to keep all the possibilities in the front of my mind because I do not want to feel blindsided if he is born needing extra medical attention. I am not as concerned about if he has Downs Syndrome as I am what if something is wrong with his heart. I know we are getting closer to finding out the answer to our questions and while there is some comfort it is very scary also. So I will celebrate making it to the final 10 weeks, but will definitely continue to pray that our boy's heart has been healed and the strength to face whatever comes next.

Angel

As we are approaching an empty due date this poem hit close to home.

I've lost a child, I hear myself say,
and the person I'm talking to just turns away.
Now why did I tell them, I don't understand
it wasn't for sympathy or to get a helping hand.
I just wanted them to know I've lost something dear.
I want them to know that my child was here.
My child left something behind which no one can see.
My child made just one person into a family.
So, if I've upset you, I'm sorry as can be.
You'll have to forgive me, I could not resist.
I just want you to know my child did exist.

It's A Boy

So we are expecting a beautiful little boy. I have to say this precious little boy has already changed us in ways we didn't expect. First was the struggle to get pregnant, but once we were pregnant and past the first trimester we thought it would be nothing but smooth sailing. Well we were not prepared for what happened next. We went to the doctor as a family for our ultrasound to find out if there would be another boy or girl added to our family. Our kids were excited, and we were excited! It was not until we heard those words we didn't expect out of the doctor's mouth... Your baby has a spot on his heart that we are concerned with. My heart dropped, I had to keep myself calm because our other two kids were in the room listening to everything, and I suddenly couldn't understand what the doctor was saying. I remember hearing the baby had a spot on his heart. I remember hearing this could be a possible sign of Downs Syndrome. Everything else was I need to get my children out of this room, and it almost sounded like everything the doctor was saying was being slurred around in my head to the point I could not understand what she was saying. We scheduled an appointment with a high risk doctor to do a Level 2 ultrasound, and we waited. We found out that we were having a boy on Monday, and my next appointment was not until Wednesday afternoon. We celebrated with the kids that they were going to have a little brother, and we prayed. We told our family and our closest friends who all immediately became our support system/our prayer warriors. The wait from Monday to Wednesday was one of the longest waits of my life. Was there something wrong with my little boy's heart? Travis and I decided we have to step up and do what we have always tried to teach our kids that we are not in control and we have to give our little boy over to God. I am one of those people who likes to be in control so to let go of my baby that we have so desperately wanted for so long, and let God be in control was extremely hard. Wednesday afternoon finally came and after a two hour appointment with a specialist we were told that yes our little boy has a spot on his heart that is a calcium deposit, and thankfully should not ever cause him any problems. There is still a possibility that he could have Downs Syndrome, and if he does it is okay. We at least know his heart is okay. From Monday to Wednesday this is what we learned: You have to Let Go and Let God Have It. If you have a pile of laundry that needs to be done, so what at the end of the day will it really change your life. I didn't get all the dishes washed and put away after supper, it will be okay I can finish it in the morning after my beautiful, healthy children leave for school. I didn't make it to the grocery store and we are having sandwiches again, at least I still get to sit a table surrounded by my awesome family. I didn't get to go out for a girl's night that I have been hoping for, it is okay it is just another opportunity to spend more quality time with my beautiful healthy kids. Are you noticing a pattern? My priorities have changed. So we may not live in the nicest house, drive the nicest cars, wear the nicest clothes. So what I am living in a home with my family that keeps us dry from rain, warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and together everyday. So while it has been tough and may get a little tougher, at the end of the day what really matters. My God, my husband, and my THREE precious children here on earth, and the two babies that we look forward to meeting one day. I know this is lengthy I just wanted to be able to look back on this a year, two years, five years from now, and remember how thankful I should always be for my family and friends.

NEVER TELL GOD HOW BIG YOUR STORM IS; TELL YOUR STORM, HOW BIG YOUR GOD IS.

So Far So Good

Well I am starting to relax a little more with our little Love Bug now that we have made it to 13 weeks, and I am starting to outgrow most of my clothes. There are still times that I start to panic that maybe something is wrong with the baby but it it is not taking Travis as long to get me settled down now. I have also started to feel guilt for being pregnant which is a little strange. I feel guilty when I am walking through a store now that I am starting to show a little because I know that pain of seeing a pregnant woman when children have been taken from you. It is very painful and brings back up the emotions of losing a child to begin with. I do not want to hurt anyone or cause anyone pain, but I am very thankful and blessed to be carrying this child. We are due at the end of February which is going to be interesting since this is a leap year. We are taking this pregnancy one day at a time and hoping for the best.

Family of Four No More

Well what a crazy couple of weeks we have had. The last couple of years have been rocky but things are finally looking up. Travis and I have been trying for a long time to have another baby. We have also suffered the loss of two precious babies the most recent this past March. A few weeks ago at church during a special prayer time I prayed and asked the Lord to send us a sign as to whether or not we could have anymore children. I know that sometimes the answer is no but I would rather be told no than continue to get my hopes up and then just wait to see if we would be blessed with another child only to be disappointed again. These are the events that happened over the next week.

Monday: Woke up sick and thought that I had a stomach virus Matthew had been sick with.

Tuesday: Leann asked me to hold her baby dolls that she named Makenzie and Makayla. This may not seem like a big deal but when I was pregnant months before Travis and I had decided that if that baby was a girl her name would be either Makenzie or Makayla and nobody knew that. Our children didn't even know that I had been pregnant in March. I was shocked and asked Leann where she got the names for the baby dolls and she told me she just made them up.

Wednesday: Still sick and while taking Matthew to science camp there were a few songs that played on the radio that were making me emotional. Before a song began to play that hit me the hardest there was an interview with the person who wrote the song who explained that the song was written during a time that he and his wife had been trying to have a child and continued to suffer miscarriages and were finally blessed with a child. Took the first pregnancy test which was positive and I was shocked. I then made a doctor's appointment for the next day.

Thursday: Went to the doctor and that test was also positive and the doctor did blood work. Still in shock I began to panic that I would have another miscarriage.

Friday: Blood work came back and my numbers were very high and that was exciting but I was still scared even though all the signs had been sent to me during the week that should have been a comfort.

I have been extremely nervous until yesterday when I went to the doctor and had an ultrasound. It turns out I am further along than originally thought. I have to say that when I heard that precious baby's heartbeat I felt a calm through my body and of course I cried while looking at the image of my beautiful baby. We did tell the kids last night and they are both hoping for a girl and have named the baby Love Bug! I finally feel like everything will be okay.