Mr. L
12 years ago
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Is it just me?
Okay so the past several weeks I have been dreading Sundays. I love going to church. I love my church family.I love all the family members that we are at church with. I love that my children get to sit with their cousins on Sunday mornings which helps keep their bond strong. But, lately I have been dreading Sunday mornings because I am tired of going to church. I am going to try my best to explain this so that everyone can understand it and it does not sound completely horrible. I have been feeling like when I am getting up on Sunday mornings to go to church I am just going through the motions. I feel like when we are singing the songs at church that the closeness with God is slipping away. I stand and sing but I am not really feeling the words. Has anyone else ever gone through this? I feel like when I am there my mind is shifting to other places. Is it Satan working against me or am I just doing something wrong? I feel like lately I am losing my bond and closeness that I have always had. When I talked to T about it he just said that he did not know what was going on but that he does not feel the same way that I have been. I feel like lately I am just going through the motions because that is what I am suppose to be doing. I teach Sunday School. I love teaching Sunday School but I feel like if I try to say that I don't want to do it anymore that I am being looked at like something is wrong with my. Like that is my duty since I signed for it a few years ago. I feel like I am losing my place at the church. I felt like I use to have a closeness with God when I was there. Now, I just feel like I am there and I am no longer needed in the areas that I use to be involved in. I hope this is making some sense as I am just trying to work through my feelings. Don't get me wrong I love my church and I love going to worship. So, my question is when you are getting into a funk where you just feel like you are going through the motions how do you find your way out? I can tell that I have started to withdrawl myself from things going on at church and it makes me sick that my children are seeing me do this. I was dreading going to church last week and L came into my room and said mommy arent you so excited that we are going to church so we can read our Bible, and hear about Jesus? It was like a punch in the gut. Why am I not that excited about going to church? I hope that I have explained this well enough for it to be understood while I am venting to try and get some sort of a better understanding of what is going on.
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I realize you don't know me (I'm leigh--Shaun Eddy's sister), but I can totally relate to your problem and thought i'd comment. I read your blog every once in awhile because it's linked from Brandy's. I felt exactly like that last winter at church--i dreaded Sundays and helping with youth and going to small group, and leading a small group. I was tired of church--and tired of feeling like i HAD to do church. So, I quit serving for a good while. I felt guilty about doing it, but I knew that Jesus didn't want my "gift" of service if I wasn't doing it with a cheerful heart. It took me a long time to be able to serve again (i am JUST returning to small grp leader, and probably not going back to youth for awhile), but I learned to put MY personal relationship with Christ in from of how the church sometimes makes us inadvertantly feel. My advice (for what it's worth), is to focus on God and you time--find some way you can reconnect with Him--whatever that entails--and do it. Hope I'm not freaking you out by blog stalking :-/
ReplyDeleteThis is probably going to be long, but here goes.
ReplyDeleteI have found myself in the same funk of not really feeling like I'm getting much out of church or I'm only going because "I should". And usually when I feel this way, is because I slacked and stopped doing personal devotions or Bible study. If I'm not in the word every day and praying, I will lose that closeness that I have with God. I'm not saying this what you are doing/not doing, just that what happens to me.
Leigh is right that you may need to just step back (even though you will feel guilty and probably even sad about it) and focus on your personal walk before serving others. It may take just a few weeks or like Leigh it might take a lot longer.
You might try to find a local ladies bible study or group that meets 1 day during the week. And if you find one that has child care, I'll come with you. This might help.
Or maybe find a different ministry that you feel strongly about: Our church bus ministry, maybe children's choir, VBS, starting a mom's morning out/ preschool, OR something not even to do with our church- volunteer with Pregnancy Resource Center, Meals on Wheels or another ministry like those. Just choose 1 and let all the others go- focus on that 1 and let God work through you.
Listen to Him and talk to Him and do what He wants and don't worry about what others want you to do. I second Leigh's advice to focus on God and reconnect with Him- until you do, you will not feel at peace with the situation.
(((Hugs)))
Wow! Didn't think it would be that long. Sorry about rambling on so much.
ReplyDeleteThanks Leigh and Brandy. Brandy your "ramblings" helped so thanks. Leigh, feel free to stalk anytime, and thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeleteI was going through the same thing when we were at West Stanly. I felt like there was nothing offered for young married couples. And again the same way at Carolina. We have been going to the church that Landon grew up in since around May. And I love it. Our Sunday School class is amazing. It gets us talking about so many things during class and after we get home. The small groups for the youth are also amazing. The boys and girls are separated so it is geared to them. Recently they realized that there are 15 fifth graders, so they started a special program for Wyatt's age group called Grapple. I agree with Leigh, I think you should give up the Sunday School class. It is okay to take some time off. Maybe it is time to look for a new church. :) It is scary, but also necessary sometimes.
ReplyDeletewhat is so great is that you are willing to admit your feelings. It doesn't mean you aren't saved, it just means you miss that deep feeling you used to have. You know that happens in our marriages also. We still love our spouses but somehow the spark appears to be gone. That means we need more time with them and less distractions. I believe that when you get back to that closeness with your Savior, you'll feel better about church. Two great books are "Crazy Love" and "The Cross-centered Life". I'd love to be involved in a Bible study with you and Brandy and anyone else who's interested. Guess I'm a blog stalker also. Judy Eddy
ReplyDelete