When Life Gives You Lemons

Let me start off by saying that nothing that I am writing is meant to hurt anyone. I am just using this blog as my outlet to sort through some things that are happening in our my life right now. The past 13 months of my life have been extremely difficult. There have been days when I did not want to get out of the bed. However, when you are a senior in college and are in the middle of student teaching this is not an option. I had to suck it up and put on a happy face and try to make it through the day. Travis and I have been very private about some things that have been going because frankly it is not any ones business except ours. There are only a few people in our lives right now that really know what has been going on. For the most part those people have been very supportive. The most recent trial in our lives came toward the end of this past year. I started feeling unsure about going to church. I saw getting up on Sunday mornings as an obligation and a routine that we had to stick to rather than feeling excited and like I could not wait to get to church to worship. I dreaded Sundays. I looked forward to the weekends to try and get a little break of school but I absolutely dreaded that day of the week. I felt like the walls of my life began to close in around me. I did not say anything to Travis because I thought it was just the stress of my final weeks of college, or maybe it was from some of the other things that had caused the depression earlier in the year. Either way it was not a good feeling but I said nothing. I was looking forward to doing the children's Christmas program like I always do. As I began working on the program I was enjoying my time with the kids but something was missing still. I had a feeling of being uncertain about everything if that makes any sense. I still said nothing until finally one night as Travis and I began talking I brought it up. Church should not feel like an obligation. Church should be a place that we are breaking down the doors with excitement to go and worship. I know it is not always perfect. However, if I do not make changes in my life that show my children by example how important church is then I am failing them miserably. So, after talking for a couple of months, praying about it, and then sitting our children down to talk to them a decision was made. We left the only church that my children have ever known. We did go to a different church when Matthew was a baby it was the church that I grew up in and he does not remember it. We talked as a family and decided that wherever we decided to go we would give it a few weeks and not make any snap judgements, and if we find a church that we like we have to decide as a family to join. If there are doubts in one of the kids, Travis, or I then that is not the church for our family. We are making the decision that we feel is best for our family. We thought that people would respect our intentions and decisions that we are making to do what is right within our family. I did not anticipate that some of the most hurtful comments would be made by some of those closest to us that I considered to be part of our support system. I know that not everyone will agree with every decision that I make or that Travis makes. All that we are asking is that people pray for us that we find that place where we feel like we belong and not criticize and say hurtful things just because it is not the decision that they would have made. I know this is long and I do apologize but I needed to vent a little. After some of the events that have happened over the past 2 months we now know for sure that we are making the right decision for our family. We felt like we were being called to go to another church and what kind of Christians would we be if we ignore that just to make everyone else around us happy. The things that have happened over the past 13 months have really put my priorities in to perspective. I know that the Lord has something in store for us just because of the little roadblocks that keep getting put in front of us. I am excited to see what is next for our family!